It’s been a while since I wrote anything personal and heartfelt, other than writing about my deeply respective ancestors lives. Today, I’m going to step outside my norm as I need to talk about something that has been a constant unwanted companion in my life: anxiety. It’s a word that carries a weight, an invisible burden that many of us bear, often in silence. But it’s also a word that has taught me profound lessons about strength, resilience, and the human capacity to endure life’s battles.

Living with anxiety is like dancing with shadows. It’s unpredictable, overwhelming, and it has a way of casting a long, dark veil over even the brightest moments. It’s an insistent whisper, a gnawing feeling that never quite lets go. It’s the uninvited guest at the party of life, forever lurking in the background.

And with anxiety often comes its companions, depression and loneliness. They form a tangled web, each thread pulling at the others. Depression wraps around you like a heavy cloak, sapping your energy and colouring the world in muted tones. Loneliness, on the other hand, is the echo of silence, a cavernous space that seems impossible to fill.

But here’s what I’m beginning to understand. It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain, the struggle, and the moments of despair. It’s okay to sit with these emotions, to let them wash over you, and to know that you are not alone in this battle, others feel it too.

In the depths of this darkness, there is a glimmer of light. It’s the flicker of hope, the reminder that even in the most trying times, there is a reservoir of strength within us. It’s the knowledge that we are not defined by our struggles but by our ability to rise above them. One of the most powerful things we can do is to reach out, to connect with others who understand, who have walked similar paths. It’s in these moments of shared vulnerability that we find solace. It’s in the embrace of kindred spirits that we recognize we are not isolated in our pain. And most importantly, seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it’s an act of courage. It’s a testament to your strength and your unwavering commitment to reclaiming your own narrative. Therapy, support groups, and trusted confidantes can be lifelines in this exhausting journey.

So what does it feel like to suffer from these three silent tortures. Here are the common symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

Anxiety:

1. Excessive Worrying – Feeling worried or uneasy about a wide range of simple everyday situations.

2. Restlessness or Feeling On Edge – A sense of being keyed up or constantly on alert, accompanied by physical symptoms like muscle tension.

3. Rapid Heartbeat – Increased heart rate or palpitations, often accompanied by feelings of impending doom.

4. Difficulty Concentrating – Trouble focusing on tasks or maintaining attention.

5. Irritability – Feeling easily agitated or having a short temper.

6. Muscle Tension – Physical symptoms like tension headaches, clenched jaw, or muscle aches. These often happen while you are sleeping especially the jaw clenching.

7. Sleep Disturbances – Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless sleep. (Lack of sleep is one of my biggest hurdles and increases every other symptom 😩)

8. Sweating and Trembling – Experiencing excessive sweating or trembling, particularly in stressful situations.

9. Stomach Issues – Digestive problems like nausea, stomachaches, or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) symptoms.

10. Avoidance Behavior – Going out of the way to avoid situations or places that trigger anxiety.

I’ve always suffered from anxiety, even as a young child, I hid in the shadows, mostly behind my twin sister. My teenage years, were unbearable, I was crippled by its darkness, it consumed my every waking moment, it had such a strong hold, it controlled me. With motherhood, anxiety took on a new objective, a new face as such. In the last 10 years, anxiety has been a constant shadow, a wolf hiding in the darkness, waiting, willing me to crumble under its powerful jaw. Repeatedly snapping, sneering, tearing my self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence and self-love to smithereens. Piece by piece destroying me. Its power is beyond any words that line the pages of every English dictionary.

It’s evil through and through. 🐺

Depression:

1. Persistent Sadness or Hopelessness – A pervasive feeling of sadness, emptiness, or a lack of interest or pleasure in most activities.

2. Loss of Interest or Pleasure – Experiencing a loss of interest in activities, even those that were once enjoyable. (This definitely plays havoc with my life.)

3. Changes in Appetite or Weight – Significant changes in appetite, leading to noticeable weight gain or loss.

4. Sleep Disturbances – Insomnia (trouble falling asleep or staying asleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping).

5. Fatigue and Low Energy – Feeling consistently tired, even after adequate rest.

6. Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt – Persistent feelings of self-blame or worthlessness.

7. Difficulty Concentrating – Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

8. Physical Symptoms – Aches, pains, and other physical symptoms without a clear medical cause.

9. Thoughts of Death or Suicide – These thoughts are serious and should be addressed with professional help.

10. Agitation or Irritability – Feelings of restlessness, irritability, or agitation.

Depression, is to me, the hardest condition to admit struggling with and even harder to under the reasons why I feel this way. I have a good life, a very much loved husband, the most amazing sons who are my entire world, the most supporting loving mum and sisters and the most amazing family, who I love wholeheartedly and our two fur babies, my constant companions. So what on earth have I got to be depressed about? Why do I wake nearly every day and feel, unease at the thought of another mundane day. I don’t understand it, not in the slightest. 🥺

Loneliness:

1. Feeling Isolated – Feeling disconnected from others, even when in social situations.

2. Lack of Meaningful Social Interaction – A persistent absence of close, fulfilling relationships.

3. Emotional Disconnection – Feeling like others don’t understand or relate to you on an emotional level.

4. Increased Sensitivity to Rejection – Feeling hurt or rejected more easily in social interactions.

5. Decreased Social Interaction – Spending less time with others or avoiding social situations.

6. Physical Symptoms – Loneliness can manifest physically, potentially leading to health issues.

7. Poor Sleep Quality – Loneliness can affect sleep patterns and lead to insomnia.

8. Negative Impact on Mental Health – Loneliness is associated with higher rates of anxiety and depression.

9. Lack of Belonging – Feeling like you don’t fit in or belong in social groups or communities.

10. Longing for Connection – An enduring desire for more meaningful social connections.

Loneliness is a hard one to understand because often the soul that feels alone are often the people who are surrounded by love and people. I frequently ask myself how can I feel lonely when I’m loved and cherished by so many. Sadly when loneliness kicks in, no amount of human contact can shift the overbearing feeling. 🥺

If you find yourself navigating these winding, overwhelming treacherous paths, know that you are not alone. Your story matters, your struggles are valid, and there is hope, even in the darkest moments.  You will have bad day, horrendous days, ok days, good days and even magical days. I sincerely hope that heartfelt ramblings serve as a source of comfort for those of you wrestling with anxiety, depression, loneliness or all three. Please try to Remember, you are not defined by your anxiety, depression, or loneliness. You are defined by your resilience, your kindness, and your capacity to love, even when it feels like the world is shrouded in shadows.

Remember, your journey is worth every step.

With empathy and understanding, Too-da-loo for now.

🦋🦋🦋