In this life we will never truly be apart, for we grew to the same beat of our mother’s heart.
My twin sister and I grew up speaking our own private language, only we could understand.
We fooled teachers into believing we were the other, and rejoiced in the satisfaction. But as we grow we found our own identities, so very different from the other.
My twin, was definitely the stronger, the most confident, the more driven and motivated., her path set from the earliest of age.
Where I, the shy quiet one, would hide behind her confidence and let her lead us along the twisting paths laid out in front of us.
I found strength in her spirit, her self-reliance, her independence, her wit, her stubbornness, her courage and her energy. But still I stayed safely in her shadow.
It wasn’t until much later in life I found my own identity, dreamed my own dreams and had the courage to believe it possible to follow them.
But still my own voice was not found until as little as ten years ago, but likely less than that. I might even say I didn’t find it until I created this space, this space right here. These pages of rambles have helped me find myself, my identity, most definitely my voice. Even though I question myself constantly about my ability to write something worth reading, (I rarely believe I’m good enough, especially with my struggles with dyslexia.). Somehow those rambling thoughts, have become a defining part of my soul, a soul a million miles from the girl who hid in the shadow of her identical twin.
Although I am still learning to have faith in my own personality, dreams, goals, beliefs, I am stronger than I have ever been and even though I will forever constantly struggle with believing in my Individuality, my own identity, but more so believing I am good enough, I am the best version I’ve ever been of myself.
I may be a twin, but I am one of a kind, I’m me. I so very much hope, I’ve begun on shine in my own light. ✨
Being a twin, is the strangest of things, it’s magical in its own right. You share everything, birthdays, parties, clothes, friends, cake. 🎂
You have an instant best friend for life, a trusted confidant. Some even say, you feel the others pain, sickness and joy. It truly is magical until that special bond seems to flutter away, for no known reason, I guess that’s life, busy lives that comes between the strongest of bonds.
My twin and I hardly see each other anymore, for one reason or another. Maybe it’s because our personalities are so very different, or maybe we are at different stages in our life, maybe Covid played a part, or even where I live, I really don’t know but I struggle with the once unbreakable bond, breaking. That struggle has been at the forefront of my mind lately, and in truth, it’s the biggest gut punch. Why aren’t we the picture perfect perspective of twins? Why don’t we finish each others sentences ? Or even know when the other is hurting ?
Did I do something wrong? Am I sure a cold, dislikable person?
What ever the reason, I wish I knew the answer because my soul is hurting. ❤️🩹
Anyway, I brought the whole twin thing up because we just had our birthday. Another year older, wiser, so many more grey hairs and life lines upon my face.
I was very much looking forward to my birthday this year. Plans were in place, excitement had been bubbling for months. Unfortunately with unforeseen circumstances it all went horribly wrong at the last hurdle.
We had planned a 5 day trip in Phillippe, our camper, to my favourite place in the world, Brighton.
My sister Kerry and her hubby Smithy, were joining us for a few days, until they discovered their camper, Georgie Boy, was rather poorly and wouldn’t be mended in time. We were beyond gutted but decided that we would still go and come back early so we could celebrate with them either at our favourite Thai restaurant, or a takeout and chilled evening at ours.
Brighton didn’t disappoint, how could it, it’s such a special place, the Lanes especially. Mark and I spent a good amount of time, in my favourite shop. I can’t recall the name, but it’s like an old fashioned flea market. It’s full to the brim with other peoples junk, treasure to others. Boxes full of old discarded photos. I could honestly spend days looking through them. One day I hope to buy as many as I can, and try to reconnect them to their owners.
While browsing we came across some old deed boxes, which stole my heart. ♥️ The hunt was on, for the perfect box to bring home with me. It was impossible to choose, they were all rather special, but we finally decided on a, Georgian deed box, which would now hold all those important old photos, letters, newspapers articles, telegrams etc that my Nan has given me the honour of treasuring and passing down the family in later years.
Mark kindly treated me to the box for my birthday and my heart truly sung. I’m totally in love with it. 🥰 I am so very lucky, I have someone who loves me, the way my Dad loves my Mum. ♥️
We also hunted for old family bibles, as above, I would love to trace the families and reunite them with the families.
It’s such a shame that treasures such as old photos and especially family bibles end up in landfill, charity shops or flea markets. It’s criminal. They once would have been of the upmost importance to someone. Births, marriages, deaths, important dates and memories were once written in the most Important book in the household. They were passed down from generation to generation, now they sit unloved in a dusty corner of a shop somewhere. It’s beyond sad. 🥺
We found the most impressive bible, published in the early 1800’s.
Can you imagine the hands that have held it, the tears weeped over it, the prayers spoken and the trust in the words printed.
How I sincerely wish I could have brought it home with me, either to have traced the family it once belonged to, or just to love it and pass it on to my descendants, unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be, it was way above my budget, rightly so, it was exquisite.
It would have been the upmost honour to be able to hold such a heavenly time capsules in my hands.
We do actually have our own family bible, which has always fascinated me, even as a child. I remember sitting on my Nans sofa, very carefully looking at the words written by my great grandmother and great great grandmother, who I believe it originally belonged to It was her Prize possession.
Who ever ends up with it, I wholeheartedly hope, they will treasure it as it deserves to be and doesn’t end up in landfill or a charity shop. That would break my heart. 💔
While we were in Brighton, the storm of all storms rolled in. It was rather rocky few nights. I swear Phillippe nearly took flight a good few times.
It’s lucky we had decided to head home early because the storm had ripped through our hamlet pretty hard.
We returned to very cold children and house, no internet or phone, no electricity and two freezers and a fridge full of food, only fit for the bin. 🗑
Our electric was down for nearly 60 hours, which was pretty hard going when you have no other way to cook or boil a water. We have no gas, in our neck of the woods. Phillippe came to the rescue and my mother in-law kept us well feed. Thank you Janet, they were delicious. 😋
I have to admit when the power finally came back on, it was a little disappointing, as the quality family time we had spent together was at a end and our boys were soon back in their rooms doing what they love best. Well until we discovered that the power surges had broken our youngest pc. All in all the storm cost us an absolute fortune.
Specking off my youngest, Calum, he has made me super proud by being accepted to University. I had no doubt in my mind, what so ever, that he wouldn’t, cos he is pretty damn awesome. I am one extremely proud Mummy. Even though it will pain me when he leaves, all I have ever wanted for him, is to be happy and live out his dreams. He’s smashing it!!!
However I did start on a bed running using Tinnas Frost pattern. It’s such a great pattern, truly calming and beautiful. 🤩 I haven’t got very far at all but thats ok.
My uncle fall in love with their blanket, so I started making him one. Ssshhhh don’t tell him.
My uncle Kevin, is very important to me, more than he will ever know. I have always looked up to him and love him deeply. I’ve always had a huge soft spot for him. So if I can give him something that makes him smile and shows him how special and loved he is, I will do my upmost to do so. It’s a big job, so will take time.
Whoop whoop, it’s time to start planting seeds.
I’ve made a start and watching those little seedlings burst through the soil, has been an absolute delight.
Even though my kitchen worktop looks more like a greenhouse and munchkin one of our cats, has decided warm seed trays are the best place to sleep 💤 I can not wait to sow more.
Mark and I have made a start on sorting out our front garden. It’s an awful state of affairs, which makes me sad every time I look at it.
It’s been a dumping ground for all sorts of rubbish, from rubbish brought home from customers houses who have no room for a skip, to overflowing cardboard. It also houses three ugly wheelie bins. They are so far from pretty, a necessary ugly.
Ground elder has been a constant struggle, a war we are slowly starting to win, thank goodness. 😅
Over the last few weeks, when weather and health allows I have created a new boarder, wedded and generally tidied it up a little, not the easiest of tasks when branches and leaves consistently fall. 🍁Mark has been busy, making two raised borders from railway sleepers, ready for me to fill with flowers.🌺
Just a small patio kind of thing to lay, and a bin shed to make/build and it will be a vast improvement.
It’s been a journey, a exciting, fascinating but frustrating one at times.
The passion is deep so much so I’ve discovered I have an addictive personality. I’m totally and utterly addictive to research.
At the moment I can’t seem to find structure to my research, it’s seems to be a case of fluttering between our ancestors until somebody catches my attention.
These individuals haven’t disappointed and have kept me on the edge of my seat. I’ve found a case of double bigamy, deportation, rape and a wrap sheets long as my arm. My main focus has been on a lady who worked for Florence nightingale and even though she isn’t my direct line, her life’s journey is proving very fascinating. I even came across the most beautiful photo of her. I’m currently talking to her great Grandson and I hope to be able to share a little of her life with you shortly.
We also received my in-laws DNA results back and I’m excited to share these with you shortly.
Considering when I started writing this, I didn’t have a clue what to say, my rambles have turned into something rather long, so even though I could carry on, I will leave you to your day.
Be you, be true, don’t be blue.