A New Year.
A fresh start.
A new chapter in life waiting to be written.
New questions to be asked, embraced, and loved.
Answers to be discovered
and then lived in this transformative year of delight and self-discovery.
Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream,
pen in hand.
Only dreams give birth to change.
(Sarah Ban Breathnach)

As we say our farewells and close the chapter we called 2021, do you look back with a smile or with sorrow?
2021 was a strange year, a year of change, understanding and acceptance.
For me it was a year of learning, learning to find peace in a world where anger and frustration seems to be the leading emotions. It was a year of finding light, beauty and calm in planting tiny seeds and watching the magic of nature unfold. 
A year of self learning, self loathing, self indulgence, discovering and excepting.
A year of bad health and a year spent in fear of this god damn awful pandemic.
A year in my life that won’t be remembered with any importance.
Looking back it was a year of stupidity, a year I should have been taking more notice of my health and the consequences that come with burying the facts and emotions so deep, I will only live to regret doing so.
2022 will be the year I dig deep, awaken the ignorance and learn to take control of my health.
It will be the year of excepting the truth, the truth that my health and what fuels my body consumes is going to either make me go blind, lose limbs or even kill me. It’s the year I have to, WAKE UP!!!
So far so good, I’m on the 3rd day of no carbs. I’m not going to lie, I’m already struggling, it’s incredibly hard, harder than you can ever imagine. I’ll be the first one to admit and out it out there, 

 “I am a addict.”

An addict that has very little willpower. But I am determined to try at changing.
Because a change desperately needs to be made.
I cringe at the thought of putting these truths out there for everyone and anyone to read but maybe, just maybe, it’s what I need to do to help me to not fail.
Just the thought of knowing that others especially my family, will be disappointed with my self worth and discipline, makes my entire being ache but worst still, is the disappointment and self loathing I know I will feel if or when I fail. I know I have a hard journey ahead of me, one that I know isn’t easy but have to do this. I already know it will play havoc with my emotions, that it will make me depressed, I can feel it already but if I succeed how wonderful it will feel to actually have a smidgen of control over my health.
I know that my life will always be controlled my medication, the weather and insulin but I know deep down something has to give, I need to change. 2022 is the year to do so, before I damage myself further.

🌸

Garden.
December weather was unkind and kept me stuck indoors so nothing has happened in the garden. No seeds were sown or flowers planted and my little piece of Paradise it’s looking very sorry for itself. How I long to be able to sit and drink coffee in the warmth of the spring sun, to be able to play ball with Zyp and enjoy the freedom my garden gives me.

🤒

Health.
Boy December was hard health wise. I had my booster at the end of November and ever since I’ve had the worst cold and nasty cough, I believe I’ve ever had. One month on and still I can’t shift it. 
Covid test after Covid test with always a negative result, I firmly believe that this virus must have something to do with the booster. No I can not prove it and definitely don’t want a argument about it but I do know I won’t be having any more vaccinations. 💉 
Good news though, my A1C blood test is down from 128 to 72, which is fab but still have away to go. We are aiming to get them down to 50/55, hopefully the not eating carbs will help with this.

🧐

Family History.
It’s been a very long time since I wrote about my ancestors and to me,that just isn’t good enough, especially as they are the reason I started this blog in the first place.
It’s not the I’ve fallen out of love with researching our Heritage, far from it, life just got in the way.
I’ve contemplated and contemplated some more about starting  a second 52 week ancestry challenge, were I would write about one ancestors life, once a week for a year. In truth I would love to, however it’s a huge commitment and a very expensive one at that, and right now I’m gutted to say I can’t commit to it at this time. So I thought I may just write about one of mine or my boys ancestors when I find the time. Would you be interested in that?

I think I mentioned last month that I’ve been re-researching my hubbies Paternal line and it’s proving to be very interesting. I even found our first convict. 
I’m eager to share some of my findings with you, I’ve just got this niggling feeling that it’s not my place to do so. I know they’re not my blood and even though they are my boys I feel a little unease about even researching them. I know I’m being stupid but I just can’t shake that feeling. 
If or when I do share the interesting life story’s of my boys parternal ancestors, please know I will honour their lives and memories with as much respect as possible and with love for the generations that came before us, whom gave me the chance to meet, fall in love, marry and have two beautiful souls, our children whom are honoured to carry on their family name.
Even though Con, Cal and my hubby Mark have no interest what so ever in their ancestry, I hope one day that mine and Sarah’s (Mark’s Sister) research will be of some interest and not end up in a landfill.
My hubby recieved his Ancestry DNA results back, just before Christmas and my generous sister-in-law brought tests for their Mum and Dad which will be very interesting. I’ll share Marks results soon.

🧶

Crochet.
I’ve been beavering away at my secret project and I’m delighted to say its finished. watch this space in the next few weeks and all will be revealed.
i cant wait to pick my hook up again and continue making my, Sholach Mosaic Christmas Trees, blanket by Abi McIntyre. It’s a beaut.

🚍

Phillippe.
It’s been a while since we have taken Phillippe on an adventure or should I say he’s taken us, so we parted an over night bag, booked a night stay at longlete caravan park and hit the road on a mission to discover Family graves in a quaint little town called Mere in Wiltshire.
You can imagine my disappointment when we arrived at St. Michaels and there was only a handful of graves in the church grounds.

St Michaels was beautiful which made up for it. It such a strange emotions to be standing in the aisle of the Church our children’s ancestors had walked down to wed  or stand at the font that they were baptised or christened. Thankfully after a few messages back and forth will a very kind lady who told me all the headstones had been moved to a graveyard a stones throw away from St Michaels, we were able to head back to Mere, the following day to try and find our ancestors resting place. Luck wasn’t with us, as the heavens opened and we resembled drained rats within minutes of our grave search. Our hunt will have to continue at a later date when the sun shines.

Right I think I’ve rambled on far enough. 
Before I sign of I want to wish you all a, “Happy New Year.” May all your dreams come true and love fill your hearts.

Too-da-loo for now.