Where did that month go, seriously I can’t believe that we are in July already.
So what did I achieve in June 2020?
Not much if I’m honest.
Life is a little hard work at the moment and I’m struggling to feel motivation in anything.
I can’t quite work out how I feel let alone put a name to it.
Or even why I feel like I do.
I’ve got nothing to complain about as life is ticking alone as normal and my days are consumed by the same old daily routines.
Mark and Connor have gone back to work, which may be the deep down reason that life just seems Blurrrrrr.
I’ve got so use to having them home and I don’t like them being back to their normal.
Add in a little fear of what they may bring home with them.
Of course they are careful, they mask and glove up, wash their hands until they are sore but you never know what others have done, how safe they are being!
Life has changed for so many and I can’t see it returning to normal any time soon. I believe this could be our new normal.
God I hope not.
On Sunday, my youngest Calum, ventured out for the first time since Lockdown. He met up with a few friends in Southampton, social distancing, of course.
That evening as we sat around the table having our tea, he said to me, “ Mum you haven’t got a clue what it’s like out there, the worlds gone crazy!”
He went on to explain, how shops are now set up, how pubs are getting ready for the masses and how strange the atmosphere feels.
He also talked about how people are more concerned about racism than they are about COVID-19.
I’m all behind the Black life’s matter movement but when the actions of others who are protesting put other lives at danger by mass gatherings with no thought to social distancing, a deep fear drowns my soul.
Because LIFE matters, no matter who’s it is.
Life is precious and in a blink of an eye can be taken away from you.
The passion behind these protests is fantastic, truly it is but when you are putting your own and others lives at risk by not paying any attention to the social distancing guild lines than that passion, that fight, is being jeopardised. They are putting not only their own life at danger but their family’s and friends. That danger worsens with every personal encounter.
Yes I know fear should NOT stop us from living or fighting for what we believe in, I’m all for standing up to what matters, but life has changed and we have to change with it.
We need to think of the bigger picture. We need to think about how our actions effect others. How one simple unnoticeable action could change the lives of so many.
Protest until the cows come home, stand up for your beliefs but please do it as safely as possible.
I have to be the worst diabetic in the universe.
Chocolate and ice cream our my worst enemies but also my best friends.
I think I’ve always known that I turn to food for comfort but of late my need to eat the biggest bar of delicious creaminess is getting out of control.
I have to stop and stop now!!!
These cravings always kick me to the curb, leaving me self loathing more than before and the need to comfort myself all over again.
I so need to stop, I have the most beautiful Vow renewal dress to fit into.
The fear of it not fitting only makes me feel worse about myself and the comfort food begins again, tenfolds.😩
I’m seriously thinking I need help, but help is expensive.
My will power is awful, truly awful, so much so I’ve thought about hypnotherapy just to see if it can help me.
Do you have any experience with hypnotherapy?
Did it work for you?
Or even any other self help that has worked for all you comfort eaters out there?
👰🏻🤵 Vow renewal.
As I mentioned above our vow renewal is creeping up first.
We have never wanted anything big, just our immediate family and our closest of friends with us, to celebrate the love, Mark and I still have for one another after 27 year together.
A few days ago the new Covid guild lines for weddings were published.
These don’t really effect us as we haven’t planned a reception meal or party. I do worry about the really low number of people that you are allowed to attend, one of the most important days of our lives.
I believe it stands at 30 people which includes, everyone that is involved eg the vicar, photographer, bellringers, choir, etcetera etcetera. That’s not a lot of room left for your nearest and dearest.
We are lucky that we only have to count in our lovely Victor James, as it has always been about us retaking our vows, surrounded my our loved ones and making the most wonderful memories.
However we both have quite large immediate families and 30 is not a lot of people, is it!!! Especially as there is a certain special best friend we want and need to be there, Simon, our best man.
Fingers crossed that these new rules aka guild lines will ease a little and we don’t have to start turning down important people who we want by our side.
I so very much feel for couples who have huge weddings planned. Who wants to marry the love of their life wearing a mask?
I also feel for all the businesses that will suffer because of these new rules.
You can read all about them here.
I can’t believe I’m saying this but the weather has stopped play aka the renovation.
Mark tried desperately to start work again on Phillippe, our Peugeot Boxer Classique camper, at the weekend but every time he got out his tools the heavens opened. He would pack away and the sun would come back out. He tried and tried again but ever flipping time, the sky would downpour.
It’s so frustrating, especially as we are so close to getting him finish.
As campsite open we want nothing more than to hit the road and enjoy the freedom our home from home will bring.
Whoop whoop, I finished a blanket, it seems for ever since I’ve been able to say that.
I can’t give too much away as this blanket is yet to be gifted but here’s a little tease for you.
I’m pretty chuffed with it.
You may have read my post on instagram?
When my hook is in hand and my yarn is making pretty stitches, the world just seems to be a little more calming.
Crochet has been my therapy for so long now, I don’t know how I coped with out it.
It’s worked wonders for my soul and many a time, it’s been my reason to get out of bed in the morning.(House work just doesn’t have the same effect.)
I’m sure all us crafters have felt this at one point or enough.
However this week, has truly tested my love for my little hobby, so much so I’ve contemplated selling all my yarn and crafty goodness. Why?
I ran out of yarn for my main project and I just can’t justify buying any more at the moment. My other project, a blanket for my dear nephew Luke❤️, hasn’t been playing fair. My brain just won’t let me connect the dots. Age, brain fog, blonde moment, who knows but I wish it would sort itself out. 😫
In the mean time I started a new project. Two days in, I notice a mistake, one I just couldn’t live with, so I frogged and frogged until I ended up with a mass of tangled yarn.🥺
Two afternoons later I am finally back to where I was before frogging and hoping that all mistakes are put to rights so calmness can once again soothe my soul as my hook works it’s magic.
Do you ever have weeks like these? And if so how do you bring yourself calm before a storm hits.
Crochet has pretty much been like this for a while now but I can finally say that the love is slowly but surely returning. I still have my days were I would rather be doing anything else but I’m happy to say, that the blanket I’m making for my nephew Luke is helping a great deal to relighting my passion.
I know deep down that it’s not the art of crochet I’ve fallen out of love with, but more so the state of the world and all it’s troubles. Throw into the mix, self dealt, self worth, self loathing and then sprinkle the need and want to learn new skills.
I’m pretty obsessed with wanting to learn some sort of carpentry skills, well woodwork. I so very much want to learn, but me being me, I haven’t got the confidence or self belief to trust in myself.
So for now I’ll stick to hooking yarn and enjoy the calm it mainly brings.
One day tho, I’ll find the courage to ask Mark to teach me some woodwork skills, without feeling ashamed that I may not be able to catch on for the first few attempts and hope he has enough patience and faith in me to help me reach my dream.
I’m not too sure where this need to learn wood work comes from, Mark would blame instagram but I like to think that knowing my family history is embedded with carpentery, that it is in my DNA🧬 which hopefully means I’ll be damn good at it, when I allow my self worth to believe I am actually good enough.
Back to crochet.
I have been working on my Waffle bedspread. It’s getting rather large and heavy now. It’s so snuggly, it’s delicious. I can’t wait to save up some pennies and be able to buy some more yarn so I can complete it.
As mentioned above, I started a new project.
It’s the Virus Blanket by Jonna Martinez.
I’ve made a few of these now, it’s such a great pattern, very soothing.
I decided to use a yarn cake, mainly because I wanted to make a lightweight lapghan for those cool summer evenings.
I’ve always got something over me while we chill out in the evening, be it a blanket, my oversized dressing gown or a cushion. I just feel more comfortable with something on my lap.
It’s just been far to warm lately to have anything covering me so it was the perfect excuse to use one of my yarn cakes, that tease me constantly. They are so pretty. The colour changes are just perfection.
I’m a little ocd about certain things so a nice seamless colour change suits my need for balance.
I’ve just started the first slight colour change, it’s pretty exciting.
What do you think? Do you like it?
Right I think it’s best I wrap this up, my rambles have taken too much of your precious time already.
It’s funny though, when I set down to right this, I said to Mark, I haven’t got anything to write about and look at how flipping long this post turned out.
I hope my sketty mind hasn’t bored you too much, as I have a blog coming shortly that I’m sure your really enjoy. I promise I will have it up this week.
Stay safe, stay happy, stay you.