It’s been a while I’m sorry.
I’ve been in a funk. My brain has been going a million miles an hour consumed with pointless thoughts of self dealt, loneliness and anxiety.
After nearly a year at home, with my family around me, they were suddenly gone.
Silence echoed around these four walls we call home.
That silence, the emptiness is beyond powerful and although I’ve been so very use to it after years of being home alone, it grabbed hold and pulled me under. No matter how hard I try to escape the pull of the sinking sand we all know as loneliness, it holds tight and inch by inch it pulls me further down into deep despair and desperation.
The sad thing about loneliness is, the more alone you are, the more you can’t handle being around people. You unknowingly push them further away, driving your mental state to new levels of the darkness we call loneliness.
You crave companionship, while you pushing it away.
I’m sure so many of us have been dealing with the emotions that came along with lockdown.
We are all learning to live the new normal, to navigate the new roads that we are walking.
The crossroad that lead us back to our once reality are drawing closer and it’s now the perfect time to decide if your old way of life is the right way forward???
Unfortunately for some there isn’t a easy way to change that reality.
Life, in my case health, stops you in your tracks and you have no way of changing the path you have been given.
So what do you do? How can you change your situation or the path that leads towards the light?
For my husband it’s been rediscovering the art of relaxation, in the form of fishing aka sitting by a lake. 🎣
He’s also been Igniting the passion and love he has for the night sky.
Something he does extremely well. Boy he has talent. Talent he needs to learn to believe in.
See even the most capable of people, the people who are just great at everything they try, have their own insecurities and struggles.
Marks is, NOT believing in his talent. No matter how many of us tell him how talented he is, he never believes in himself. I think in one way or another we are all guilty of this but it is incredibly hard to watch the ones you love not believing in themselves.
You can see more of his photography right here on our blog or over on Instagram.
For me it’s learning something new. It’s been a case of trying to see the beauty of the world while life/health has me consumed within these four walls. I have to learn to make the best of my situation.
For some unknown reason I decided to try my hand at growing flowers from seeds and so far I’m loving it.
Although I know very little, somehow I’ve actually managed to grow something.
It’s strange how a tiny seed, a pot, some soil and a little water, can change so much. Not only is a new life blossoming, self worth slowly trickles in. The lives of those tiny plants are dependent upon my success and the nurture I give them. Their futures are in my hands.
Even though that is extremely daunting, It calms my soul and helps to heal my rambling mind. That has to be a good thing, right?
I once again have a purpose, a reason other than housework to get out of bed. And even though it’s a lot of hard work, as well as time consuming, it’s given me meaning to my day and I desperately needed that.
I may succeed, I may fail, but I’m willing to try.
It’s the trying that counts!
There has been a lot of crochet going on but I’m sworn to secrecy at the moment but boy you are going to love it when I can share the secret.
Even though I can not give you details, I can say how incredibly honoured I am to be asked to be part of this secret. Especially because of who I was asked by.
Did I really hear right when this exceptional talented lady asked me to be part of his huge adventure.
I can’t believe me luck, truly I can’t.
I owe this lady so very much.
She had faith in me when I had none.
She also got my hook back in hand and I can not thank her enough for that.
We made something and it’s kinda awesome but sorry guys you have to wait until I find the time to put pen to paper and share all the details with you. Hopefully it will be worth the wait.
We have been busy with the next stage of the garden. I can’t believe we are nearly finished.
Just some summerhouse tlc to do when spring/summer decided to show its face and I think it will be job done and we can finally start enjoying the fruits of our labour.
The summerhouse has had so many purposes. It was originally meant to be a craft one for me but even though it was 50% done it never felt right so over and over again it became a junk stop.
I’ve clear it so many times just to be filled again.
We cleared it a few weeks ago and it’s now had a quick fix to become a workshop for Mark and for me to continue to learn the art of making/building things.
It has a long way to go and needs a lot of love but I feel it finally has the right purpose.
I’m sure I have so much more to share with you but my mind has gone blank so I’ll say too-da-loo and let you get on with your day.
Stay safe guys,
Too-da-loo for now.