September is the month of new beginnings, fresh starts and earthly changes. As the sun cools, the morning chill try’s its hardest to make summer days a distant memory, as children step into their new oversized uniforms and shiny shoes. September sees every mother cry, while fathers, fight hard not to show the lump in their throats and the tears welling in their eyes, as they wave goodbye to their brave bairns.
As my youngest, headed out the door for his last year at school, pride of what he has become over the years overwhelms as fear of the future niggles below the surface.
And as my eldest takes on new beginnings, a new career, following in his dads footsteps, I couldn’t be prouder of them both.
The last few years have been cruel to my eldest, which crushed his spirit and broke him.
To watch our gorgeous son, lose weight, lose strength, lose himself, but more so lose his love for life and the sparkle that once shone brightly in his eyes, disappear in front of our eyes, It’s every mother and fathers worst nightmare.
All the while you try your upmost to stay strong, to support him, while our own hearts are breaking.
So watching him leave the house, on the first Monday morning of his apprenticeship, was a pretty amazing sight to see.
Somehow he has pulled him self out of the darkness, he’s found strength to carry on even when the world was and still is against him. Somehow he is surviving and rebuilding himself and I’m proud as blooming punch.
To be so close to loosing your baby, (yes he will always be my baby no matter how old he grows) due to self torture, rumours, and cyber bullying, is the scariest thing on earth, I hope no other mother, father or child, has to live through that.
As you may have guessed from reading my blogs, family is the most important thing in my life, they really are everything , I’m pretty damn lucky that I have such a wonderful family, especially my Mum, she has the most beautiful heart and I’m in awe of her strength. She really is incredible and I don’t know where I would be today without her. I want to thank her for everything she does for us, for supporting us and our two boys, who are her world. Thank you Mum, truly thank you, for being you, for loving and caring, for your selfless generosity and for being our rock. We all love you to the moon and back and then some. ❤️
Family research, I see it as a ghost story. Each soul has its own story to tell and that’s why I continue through hard work and dedication to put the pieces of their life’s together. I become their storyteller.
You may have seen on my Facebook a little something I wrote, when I shared one of my “52 Ancestors” posts. It said,
“No other words ring more true than the follow quote –
The family, We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life, sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. –
And that’s why my journey into discovering my family history is so very important.
Those names on dusty documents, old census and fading certificates are the foundations to who I am. Their dna runs through my blood. They are part my personality, my strengths and my weaknesses. They are my own personal warriors and that is why I’m trying my hardest to complete this challenge to document their lives.”
Throughout my documenting journey I’ll admit I’ve struggled with many things, mainly am I doing the right thing, digging around in my ancestors lives? Shouldn’t I let sleeping dogs lie?
Secondly, am I hurting my living ancestors by finding the hidden skeleton in the cupboard? Hurting my deeply loved family is the last thing I want to do, all I want for them is to find a little peace and understanding from our ancestors journeys.
I hope for them to see a little of themselves in the ones who gave them life, to understand where their strengths, passions, and weaknesses may have come from.
I wish for their own personal memories to fill their hearts as they remember the people who touched their life’s and filled there hearts.
And maybe I even want in my own selfish way, for them to be a little proud of me.
At the end of the day, it is my own personal discovery of who I am, if I’m capable.
It’s even a matter of self worth, self determination.
If I’m honest, I have wanted to chuck the towel a good few times, especially if I have felt that I’ve upset someone or I’m having a bad health week and exhaustion gets the better of me. Each blog takes a good few days to write and at moments life gets in the way, leaving me feeling I don’t have the time or the energy to complete the challenge.
But deep within my heart and soul, I know no matter how long it may take me, I have to complete this, not for the lovely people who visit every week without fail (thank you for that 💗) but for myself.
I have to prove to my self, I’m worth something, that even with the hand I have been given I’m not going to let it beat me completely.
So if I miss a week or two, please understand that life is getting the better of me, that I’m battling those demons and I will get the next instalment up as some as I can. I don’t want to fail you or myself, I can’t fail!
Crochet always seems to take a back seat when life gets demanding, which is a shame, as crochet is a huge part of my coping mechanism, you may even call it my therapy, my life line. And that’s why I try to crochet everyday, it just doesn’t help my mind, it helps greatly with my Rheumatoid Arthritis, all in all it’s a blessing.
Even though I seem to get less and less time, I have managed to finish two blankets, and start two new ones.
The Scheepjes Ubuntu Cal, started on the 12th of September, when part 1 of 12 pattern parts was released. The next instalment of the pattern is released every Wednesday, for 12 weeks. There are three yarn packs you can order on line, in different colours, sizes and for different budgets. You can buy the yarn kits here. I have decided to not buy one but to go with the flow and use what ever yarn or colour takes my fancy. I do have an idea, that I would like to work towards, but only time will tell if it’s going to work. I am using Scheepjes Stonewashed, my absolute favourite yarn but that’s all I’m going to give away at this moment.
In truth, I wish I hadn’t started it, I can’t really afford the yarn I will need to buy to finish and secondly, if I knew how many hours I would have to spend each week on it, I wouldn’t have gone near. With my lack of time and energy it isn’t leaving any time to work on my other projects, and that grinding on me.
However before the “Ulysses Cal” began. I did start a new lapghan, using one granny square, which I love, “Spiro Star”, by Helen Shrimpton, from “Crystals and Crochet” My plan is to make 12 squares, join them and add a border.
After making the first square, I discovered it was a yarn eater and I won’t have enough yarn to complete it, so it’s kinda going on the back burner, I’ll make a square here and there until I run out of yarn. I can’t even begin to contemplate buying any yarn at the moment, funds just don’t allow.
It’s hard when your creative juices are following and you can’t fulfill them, but I have to be sensible.
I finally found a little time to make a few squares for my mums, “Nuts about dna Afghan.”
Harriet Square, by Carolyn Christmas.
There are three yarn packs available to buy from £37.61 each. I’m totally in love with the official colour pack. You can grab yourself a yarn pack here. And you can read all about this beautiful design and pattern here.
I will make it one day and I have the perfect person, I wish to gift it to.
That about sums my month up, I won’t bore you with my dribble any longer.
Have a great October, stay warm, healthy and true.