February, the month where spring teases us with snowdrops and daffodils bursting through the earth but in reality all hell has been breaking loose.
What a month of awful weather. Luckily our mood hasn’t quite matched it, thank goodness but my stiff, aching body sure has wanted to play ball.
I know I’ve just turned 42 but my body seems to think I’m in my 100s. 👵🏻 I’ve spent most of February feeling pretty damn groggy and to top that off, the head ache from the devil himself, hasn’t let me have five minutes restbite.
On a positive note, it gave me the kick I needed to contact the doctors and spell it out to him, how blooming miserable my life is especially when in a flare. Sadly flare ups seem to be coming too frequent. A day doesn’t pass without feeling really old, in pain and exhausted.
Autoimmune conditions though can’t be seen are the worse. They rip your life and spirit apart, leaving only a shell of the person you once were behind.
I try so hard not to give in to it, not to moan every time I’m having a bad day, but boy February has beat me.
I’ve been so utterly exhausted I just can’t seem to stay awake. The sleep however is restless, waking every god damn hour, feeling more exhausted and stiff than I felt before.
When my days are filled this way, I feel totally useless, worthless even. I feel as I’ve let my family down, especially Mark and our boys Con and Cal.
I feel a burden. 💔
Anyone who suffers with an invisible illness or even visible ones, will understand how utterly frustrating it is, to not be able to be yourself, to smile and laugh as you once did.
To be able to do the simplest of tasks without feeling as you are incapable of doing so without having to sit down every few minutes, holding back the tears because the pain and exhaustion is just too much handle every single day.
I’m 42 not 100, I should be able to do everyday tasks without feeling as my body is going to break, that my mind is sinking into a place of depression and loneliness.
Hate isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel about the way my life is now dictated to by my health and the weather. All I know is something has to give especially since it has now begun to effect my crochet.
Ok, I know crochet, isn’t the bee all and end all, but it has kept me sane and given me a sense of worth over the last 6/7 years. Without it, I know I would be deep in the darkness of depression.
It may just be a silly little hobby to some, just knots made with a hook, to me though it’s been my saving grace, my lifeline even. It’s my sanity and my hope.
And now it’s in jeopardy and I feel more than a little lost and broken.
Anyway enough of that depressing talk.
February has had its great moments.
We finally had our bathroom turned into a wet room. Boy what a difference it will make to my life and it looks so much better than it did.
It’s been a long time coming that’s for sure but all the stress has been worth it.
On the other hand, it was incredibly hard to have tradesmen in our home, to have someone else do what my hubby does for his living, wasn’t easy.
To have no real say in what was being done because everything had to be passed by occupational health and had to be disabled friendly.
I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Mark. He’s a perfectionist through and through, so to sit back and have other tradesmen work in his own home, must have been unbearable but then again, I’m sure he enjoyed the break.
Well sort of, as after the tradesmen had left, we had to change a few things, like replacing the shower curtain (a death trap) to a shower screen. And changing the basin to a much smaller one to give us more much needed space.
After adding our own personal touches, I’m pretty pleased with it.
I just love the little accessories I’ve been saving since I was gifted them for Christmas and my Birthday.
I love them.
I’m on a mission to try and cut back on plastic and go more eco friendly.
It’s something I feel very strongly about.
I know I can’t save the world all on my lonesome but I can help the over all picture by buying refillables and doing what I can to cut back what plastic is brought into our home.
I brought the most gorgeous glass dispenser bottles and spray bottles for the bathroom and will slowly replace everything in our kitchen to the same.
I’ve also on a mission to use storage jars etc in the kitchen so I’ve slowly been stocking up on Kilner Jars, in hopes to turn our kitchen into a eco friendly space.
I’ve even brought bambo toothbrushes, which I adore, they are so cute.
Mark and I managed to get away for a night, to celebrate my birthday. We went back to our favourite retreat, Oak Apple Safari Lodge/tent.
Lesley and Julian always make us feel incredibly welcome. Lesley even made us a scummous evening meal (at a small cost).
It was delicious.
The weather however didn’t play ball as storm Ciara hit with vengeance.
Mark slept soundly through it all, however I’m such a bad sleeper I wasn’t so lucky. However just to layin the most comfortable bed in the whole world and listen to the wind howling was pretty awesome in its own right.
For my birthday we went out for a meal at our local Thai restaurant. We had a lovely evening spent with the most special people.
Outside storm Dennis was kicking off, which led to a very different birthday, the next day.
Mark and I had popped out to get a few bits and on our return trip home, we were unable to get into our hemlet. Every village surrounding it had flooded and all roads were impassable.
We couldn’t get home.
After a long detour we finally made it home, just in time for the power to go out.
The great thing about power cuts is, our boys actually descend on us. We get to chat, laugh and smile, even if the conversations are about “Call of Duty.“ Everyone apart from me, is C.O.D mad.
All in all, it was a nice day, one I’m sure we will remember in years to come.
It’s been a very slow month in crochet land. How ever I have been commissioned to make a baby blanket for a very special bundle of joy due later this year. As it a pressie I cant show you yet.
What I can say is, it’s looking lovely so far.
I have put it on the back burner for the time being as I can’t risk working on such an important piece when I’m feeling unwell.
So just to give myself a simple project I started a “Corner to Corner granny square blanket.”
I’ve just started the decrease so hopefully it will be done soon.
In truth I’ve tried to find anything else to do apart from crochet, like spring cleaning the kitchen cupboards because crochet is just to painful right now.
Any way when this one is finished, it will be up for sale.
I also made the decision to sale my Fiesta Blanket.
We have so much going on this year that needs paying for so against my better judgement I will be trying to sell a good few of my makes this year, just to help fund everything especially our vow renewal later this year.
You can read all about the Fiesta blanket here and if you love it as much as I do and want to give it a forever home, please send me a message.
It’s always so hard coming up with the right price, when I do decide to sell something.
Of course I have to cover the cost of yarn. It needs to be replaced or I cant continue making others.
As for being paid for my time, it’s a tricky one. Most blankets take a month or more to make. Fiesta took a good few months. It’s come to light that people just don’t want to pay for your time.
I normal only make max £20 if that, on my blankets which really is not enough.
Would you work for a month for £20?
That being said I can’t charge a months wages as no one will buy it.
However I do feel that us crafter don’t get enough credit for our skills, dedication, love and time we put into every piece of art we make.
It’s really unfair if you think about it.
The same goes for photography.
People don’t understand how long each photograph takes to process especially Milky Way images.
Let along the hours sat out in the middle of the night freezing just so they can capture the perfect shot.🥶 Add to that fuel costs, and then the hours upon hours sat at the pc, processing the picture.
The same goes for studio and location fashion shoots.
The amount of time spent preparing for that one breathtaking image, the props brought, the time at location or the studio and then days upon days editing them.
At the end of it all, you get the odd like on social media or pittance for a disk full of photos.
The same goes for crochet designers.
They work their butts off for months even years to give us the perfect pattern and still people expect the patterns to be free. I have read so many comments on social media, moaning about a pattern being £3-5. Come on guys, that’s less than a Costa coffee, or an hours parking at a hospital or shopping centre.
If only people released how much effort and time went into it all, and even if they do, still they don’t want and won’t pay for our time.
Sadly we live in a world where people want something for nothing and I find that incredibly sad.
Work is still slow going, but I can finally say that he is now at a stage we can start putting him back together. Whoop Whoop.
So watch this space, as hopefully very soon a can share some progress pictures.
I best stop rambling and get on.
Have a hooktastic day, smile, laugh and remember that your smile can be the light in someone’s day.
Too-da-loo for now.