Back in January 1999, we were gifted the overwhelming love and joy of our first baby boy, Connor.
He was a shock to say the least, an absolute amazing shock, but a shock nonetheless.
After being told at the age 15/16 that I would never carry a full term pregnancy, that’s if I was lucky enough to fall pregnant at all, a miracle happened and we were so very blessed when our Connor was born early but healthy.
The pregnancy wasn’t easy, morning sickness everyday even the morning of his birth. Also pre-eclampsia, which led to months of bed rest and what seemed like the longest staycation in hospital, which I hated every minute off.
Pre-eclampsia is no joking matter, as my darling Mum knew too well when she was expecting my twin sister Hayley and I.
Unfortunately my Mums turned to full on Eclampsia and was gravely ill.
Luck was on her side and I’m now a mum to two wonderful boys/men. Miracles do happen.
Con was born by Cesarian section because he was oblique breech and my Pre-eclampsia.

Our second born, Calum, wasn’t an easy ride in the fertility department.
Mark and I had years of fertility treatments with no success. 
Our lovely, kind, caring consultants, Mr Mason and Professor Cameron, knew us by first names and Mr Masion would always pull us into his office early if he saw us waiting, he would always crack jokes, “Back again Georgina” “You again”
He made the very emotional and heartbreaking situation bearable with his wit.

I’ll never forget the day we were sat in his room waiting for my hubby’s sperm test results.
He had to double check all our information because there was another guy with the same name, Mark Green, going through the same gut wrenching  sperm tests. One of the Mark’s sperms swam, the others didn’t. Thank goodness my hubby’s were the swimmers.
I must tell you one day, the hilarious story of when he took his test in the hospital toilets. (With his permission of course.) It still makes me roar with laughter. 🤣.
Anyway my pregnancy with our Calum, was a little easier on me than with Connor. I did form Gestational diabetes, hence why I’m most likely a diabetic now. I was warned that I would become a diabetic in my 30s, I wish it wasn’t true, because I absolutely love cake and chocolate 🍫.

Calum wasn’t in any hurry to be born, he was nice and cosy in my heart shaped, half of my womb. (Both my babies grow in only half of my womb.) 💔
After the most hilarious scan with our consultant Mr Mason, were Mark and Mr Mason both had ago at scanning me because anyone that knew what they were doing weren’t available to carry out the scan. It was so flipping hilarious. After the giggles or should I say loud contagious laughter had subsided the decision was made, I would have to have another C-section. I was very disappointed, I so wanted a natural birth but for the safety of the baby I had no choice. Cesarian section it had to be.

On the 29 July, we held our second born in our arms for the first time. All the love that had blossomed over the last 9 months filled our souls and hearts. We were instantly in LOVE with our baby boy.
After years of being poked and prodded by every doctor imaginable, 1000’s of scans and daily injections, our dream of completing our family had finally come true and we knew how extremely lucky we were to be honoured with the wonderful joy of loving and raising him. ❤️
Calum has brought so much love to our hearts, smiles to our faces and laughter to our bellies pride in our veins, so much pride. 
Pride at how incredibly intelligent and talented he is, you should see him on a racetrack.  My goodness our boy is fast. 💨
He’s caring, loving and kind, no matter the situation, he always brings the biggest smiles and floor rolling laughs. He lighten this world with his awesome sense of humour, cheeky smile and dry wit. 
We couldn’t possibly love him more than we do.
He’s had struggles with mantle health but he always puts his best foot forward and try’s his hardest to over come his personal battles. We couldn’t ask for more than that. It’s incredibly hard to see your child in pain but somehow he always manages to laugh and smile through the hardest of times. Mark and I are beyond proud at how hard he fights

Calum, If I can ask just one thing of you, I would ask for you to never change. 
Continue to laugh and smile through every situation and take the world by storm because you Calum can conquer anything you set your mind to. (And we know you will).
We love you with every inch of our hearts and souls.
Happy 18th Birthday my boy x❤️x

Our baby boy is officially an adult.
I can’t believe we have two wonderful caring  boys/men, we are so blessed and grateful but more so we are extremely lucky, the odds were so against us but here we are, parents to two exceptional growing men.

If you are struggling with fertility issues, please know that miracles happen. 
Though the journey may be incredibly hard, you may have your heart ripped out every month when you get that soul crushing negative test, you may shed an ocean of tears, you may hate every inch of you so called failing body and the pain you feel when the people around you, the people you love, fall pregnant so very easily, while you’re breaking inside because all you want is to hold your own baby in your arms, please knew that modern science can work wonders. 🧬 
And one day in the near future, you could be peeing onto a stick that will make every devastating desperate moment of you fertility journey worth while.
Please know you are not alone, far from it. 
I know it feels like the loneliest place on earth, I know you’ll feeling totally alone even though your partner is right there with you (feeling the same desperation you are). 
I know that the longing can eat away at every aspect of your being, leaving a raw sadness so consuming you feel hollow and a shell of the person you use to be.
It’s a intoxicating hard journey to travel, but when luck is on your side and you finally are gifted the joy of life, be it naturally or maybe fostering or adoption. Those empty painful voids in your soul, will enlighten with a love so overwhelming, your soul will dance and sing and your believe in fairytales all over again.  🧚🏻
Until then, please know you have a listening ear in me,.

Life is rearly easy, we all have our trials and tribulations, we all have our worries, our failings. Mines mainly are health related. But you know what, those hard moments in life make us grow, they change us, they better us and they make us stronger.

Look at me, every morning I weak in pain, exhaustion hits even before I put one foot out of bed. That foot however lands on the floor followed by the other and I fight from that moment onwards to get on with day. I have to get up, I have to make the bed (so I don’t get back into it) and I have to get on with life, no matter how excruciating it can be. Because if I stay warm and safe in my bed, I’ll have no life, my nuisance of a unhealthy body, would have won and I’m not standing for that, I’m not gonna let it win, I’m gonna get up I’m gonna fight and I’m gonna have a life, the best I can. 
That’s why I make myself have little hobbies/interests. I may be slower than others achieving them, it may be harder for me then it should be but I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna succeed or at least do my very best at trying.
I’ll be the first to admit, especially lately when pain has been fighting back harder than normal, that I get discouraged even angry and disappointed in myself when things don’t go right. Lately they seem to be going wrong more often than not through no fault of my own I must add, I just take it rather personally. 
Maybe it’s the way the universe is telling me to slow down and rest but isn’t my ill health winning if I do that???
I really don’t want to stumble at the first hurdle but I’m fastly learning that this gardening marlky isn’t easy, isn’t easy at all. 
There is so much against you, mainly the weather and don’t get me started on the pests, the slugs, snails 🐌 caterpillars 🐛 beetles 🪲, add to that fungal infections, and way too much rain giving everything the dreaded blackspot, it’s never-ending to be honest.  I’ll be honest and say, my oversensitive soul, has been drawn to tears because those blooming slugs are eating everything, the buggers even got in to my so called mini greenhouse and ate all my baby seedlings. I was pretty devastated. 
So much work goes into growing and nurturing from seed and overnight wham it’s gone, by some greedy little monsters. 🐌 
Then I look around me and see buds blooming to life, bees buzzing from flower to flower collecting their nectar. Butterflies dancing between the flowers, living their best life in the summer breeze and I know in that second all the hard work, the tears, the frustration, the disappointment is so very worth it. 

🌸 The Little things in life,
make this world a beautiful place,
even in its ugliest moments. 🦋

Somehow with the odds against me, I actually succeeded at something, something beautiful. I gave a gift to the earth, the bees and butterflies 🦋 My gift makes my heart sing, my smile illuminate and my soul feels a warming calm.
Through the disheartening moments to the joyful, I’ve learnt that the feeling of calm when sowing those tiny little seeds into the damp Earth, is a feeling I have never experienced before.
Is uncanny that a simple task can bring an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness. I find the whole process enlightening and so very pleasurable. 
It is good for my soul and even with the challenges and learning that follows, to watch those tiny seeds burst to life is an Indescribable feeling, one I wish to feel over and over.
It’s truly calms the storm raging through my body and mind.
Trust me when I say I never thought I would ever say that, let alone see myself actually enjoying gardening 👩‍🌾. The calm, the therapy it gives is second to none and truly deeply love my little hobbie, even when those little beasts are munching away at my dahlias and zinnias. 🌸

🧶

Crochet.
As you may already know, my other hobby is crochet.
Throughout lockdown I really struggled with finding the spark to sit for hours creating a masterpiece of yarn.
My passion had dwindled and no matter what pattern I tried to make, the spark never fully recovered.
Until now. 
That love is back as well as the truly calming therapy that comes with it. I no longer crochet everyday, only when it calls to me. I have a good few wips (work in progress) waiting to be finished but they must be unfinished for a reason so they can sit there until the time is right. (Sorry Luke I know you’ve been waiting a long time for your blanket).
It may just be my funny way of thinking, the blankets I give are a token of my love, friendship and loyalty. Each and everyone is made out of love, so I need to have a good calming energy in my soul when I’m making them for a gift.
Maybe I’m a little superstitious but I would hate to gift a blanket that I hadn’t felt all the feels while making. What if the negativity surrounding energy somehow rubs off and I stitch that into it. I couldn’t stand to gift someone I hold dear a blanket full of sadness, Insecurity or pain. I want and need to gift, light, love and hope. So while it may take longer to finish a project stitched with love, I’m pretty damn ok with that. I hope you are to? 

Light over darkness for the win!

Saying that my hook has been busy,  I finished a baby blanket I was making. I’ll give you a sneaky peek but hope to be able to share all the information soon, either when it’s gifted or I get permission to share before hand.

If you saw last month’s Crochet Crush post, you’ll know I am rather smitten with the Berber Afghan – Overlay Mosaic by Abi McIntyre. You can read all about it here.

I couldn’t wait to get started.
I knew I wanted to use scheepjes stonewashed xl in two shade of grey. I had my yarn and excitingly starting stitching away, it just didn’t work tho, the greys just blended together too easily and just did not pop enough. So I raided what little yarn I have in my stash after selling most of it last year and started again.

Here it is

What do you think.

I have no one I’m planning on gifting it to, and have no idea what I will do with it as I have so many lapghans so I think this one may be up for grabs when it’s finished.
I’m loving making it, so it will be full of great loving energy.

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Considering when I sat down to write this, I thought I had nothing worthy of your time, to write about, I’ve waffled on rather a lot haven’t I. 
So I think it’s time I left you to your day and say my goodbyes but I would like to say, Thank you for sticking with me and reading my ramblings.

In this crazy world of ours, stay safe and hopefully see you back here soon.

Too-da-loo x

🦋🦋🦋